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Once upon a time there were two people; the one was called Dominic and the other one Elisabeth. After a long time of good friendship they found out that they had more feelings for each other than just friendship so they became a couple. Their relationship was often difficult because Dominic drank a lot of alcohol and every time he was alcoholized he hit Elisabeth and shouted at her. After that she always ran away, ran through the streets and cried. Only after two or three hours she came back. She was very desperate because she loved Dominic so much and she knew that Dominic loved her, too. But why does he treat her like that? Sometimes she thought their relationship was worthless but she loved him too much to leave. As well they sometimes had long, interesting conversations which she liked a lot.
One morning they sat in the kitchen and ate breakfast. Last evening he hit her so hard that she had to be taken to hospital. She wanted to talk with Dominic about the situation and that he must do something against his alcohol addiction. But he shouted: ďShut up, you bitch!Ē Then he took the orange juice and talked about the bad quality of it. She began to cry and said him she wanted to leave him because she couldnít stand the pain. Then he began to cry, too and looked at her with his tender expression in his eyes which she loved so much. He took her in his arms and they cried a lot. Dominic promised that he will do everything possible to stop his alcoholism.
They had often talked of children because sometime they wanted to have a lot of them. But they often fought about education and Elisabeth was afraid that Dominic would hit the children while growing up.
After two weeks while Dominic hadnít drunk anything he came home one day and was as drunken as never before. Elisabeth sat in the bedroom and heard him. She went into the kitchen and as he saw her he shouted loud and she saw that he had a
in his hand. As she saw his wild face she suddenly felt just fear of the man she loved for a long time. She thought he would kill her and screaming she ran out of the house and went to her best friend. She talked to her the whole night and she could convince Elisabeth to stay for a while till she had found an own flat. Elisabeth never wanted to go back to Dominic. The love she felt for him was completely disappeared.




Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

I was a little child
Loving you without any condition
Loving you because you were my shelter
Loving you because you told me
I have to love you
Every child loves its father
Loving you because I believed you

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

Every day at 8 p.m. you came to me
You told me wonderful stories of dream worlds
I have never known
You told me to pray to my Lord
Our great father who made everything on Earth
So I prayed to him while you were sitting next to me
Thanked our Lord for my life

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

Every time you wasnít there
I prayed to our Lord again
Prayed for releasing me from this torture
Prayed that I want to die
Prayed to our Lord for forgiving me
Prayed because you told me to pray
You told me our Lord listens to everyone

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

Our Lord did not listen to me
How long did I sit in my room and prayed
And how often did I sit there and cried
He did not hear me
He did not care about me
I wasnít worth it
So I stopped praying to our Lord

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

From then on I had to live without praying
I had to learn living alone
I thought if our Lord doesnít listen to me
And doesnít love me
Nobody else can love me
I knew I was worthless
I learned believing this

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

I didnít have a mother
I didnít have friends
I didnít have a Lord
I didnít have anyone
But I did have you
You were the only one I had in this world
So I had to love you for being there

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

Every day you called me
I came in the living room where you were
I saw that expression in your face
I knew what was going to happen next
I didnít want you to do this but you didnít care
You told me you were doing this because you love me
But I wasnít allowed to tell it anyone

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

I was a good girl
I didnít tell it anyone
I loved you and did everything you wanted
I hoped one day it will be over
Hoped everything will be good
But nothing became good
Nothing will became good ever in my life

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it

I felt this pain for a long time
I hope I was a good daughter
But now it must come to an end
I canít stand it any longer
Now Iím going to do what I should have done earlier
Iím not worth living in this wonderful world
I love you but now itís over

Look what you have done to me
Look at me and see what I have become
I never wanted to be this person
But you made me becoming it


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Das habe ich am 28.6.2006 geschrieben, irgendwann nachts, als es mir nicht gut ging. Ja, zu was SchlafstŲrungen so alles fŁhren


Oxford, 9.7.06
The enemy is going to kill you, I can see him coming. He wants to hurt you. He is big and fat and evil.
You are so small and helpless. Not able to fight against him.
He is there! Go away quickly. Run! Just go away, fly over the ocean and far away. Otherwise heís going to hurt you and you canít stand this pain again.
So youíve got just a few seconds to flee from him.
You have to close your eyes and go to another place where you canít see him, hear him or feel what he is doing with you.
And when you come back he will be gone and you will be alone on your small bed and you will look at the poster above you where little angels are flying and you will pray that the Lord should make an angel of you too.
Then you could really fly away and everything would be nice and wonderful.
But the Lord hates you and he wonít make an angel of you. He wants you to be tortured again and again.
Give up! Praying is senseless. Cope with your life or jump off a bridge but donít believe in your fucking God.




Oxford, 10.7.06
If you are fifteen years old and you find yourself sitting in your bed in the morning and you have no energy and motivation to get up and you hate yourself because itís the same every day, this is a really scary part in your life.
Scary because it isnít usual for a teenager to be so afraid of the things which happen every day that you are not able to get up in the morning.
The only thing you want, the biggest wish you ever had is just to live one day without being afraid of the other people in school, your homework, your parents, what you eat, how you feel and nearly your whole life. One day without the strong pressure to hurt yourself and without any hate of yourself.
Feel like a normal fifteen year old girl should.




My summer holidays

In the first week I didnít do much. I often met Jessica and we were at my home or went to McDonaldís, IKEA or something like that. Well, it wasnít anything special but it was fun.
One night I stayed in the forest with two of my friends. It was funny but there were thousands of insects.

From the third to the twenty-third July I spent my time in England. I lived with a host family in Oxford. It was a big wish of mine to go to Oxford and not in another town because last year I was just one day in Oxford but I really liked it. From the beginning on I was a bit sceptical if this year would be as great as last year. I was afraid of the other pupils, what would be if they wouldnít likeÖ
When we arrived in Oxford and I saw my host family the first time I was shocked. They werenít British, they talked Arabian all the time which was a bit frustrating because I didnít understand anything and I wondered if they were talking about me.
The first evening was terrible. I wanted to fly home and couldnít find anything positive about the fact that I will spend three weeks in Oxford.
In the first night a Spanish girl arrived to live in this family too but she talked to her leader so she could change her host family.
The two French boys who were in my host family changed after the second day. I also wanted to change the family but our German leader said it was impossible in the first week. If I had called my mother and if she had talked to the organisation in Berlin I probably could have changed the family but I didnít want to.
We were split up in international groups so I were in a group which was called ĎStrawberryí and there were pupils from Sweden, Norway, Austria, Vietnam, Denmark, Finland and one other girl from Germany.
I got along with the people but I didnít like them and I knew they didnít like me. Itís a bit stupid if two people donít like each other but pretend that they do. But I had to cope with it.
One weekend we were in London. Saturday we were sightseeing and on Sunday we were shopping. The time we had there was too short so we couldnít visit a lot of sights which many of us wanted to see.
We also went to Bath one day but we couldnít do anything else than shopping so it was kind of boring.
We had three hours of lessons a day. Sometimes it was boring because the topics we talked about and the tasks werenít very interesting for me. There were two teachers who taught us and I didnít like the one we had in the first part of the lesson. Sometimes I talked to the other German girl and the teacher could understand me because she lived six months in Berlin. So that was embarrassing if I talked about her or the things she asked us to do.
The activities we should have had werenít the way they should have been. Everything was unorganized, our activity leader didnít know where the things we wanted to visit were, when they were opened and he always changed the plans. In addition we had to wait all the time and some of us started to count the hours we had been waiting since we arrived.
The day we flew back to Germany was the best day of the three weeks. I was very happy when I saw my mother, our pets, our house and everything I am used to.
At home I realized that my camera wasnít there. Probably someone stole it at the airport in London. Thatís very bad because I took more than three hundred photos. I have a new camera now but the photos are more important and I will never get them back.
All in all I didnít really enjoy my time in England but nevertheless there were a few things which were great.
Maybe I will go to England again next year.

The last two weeks of the summer holidays were nice. I often met Jessica and we had a lot of fun.
I stayed one night with two friends at the ĎRheiní. Kevin, Jessica and I had my earlobes penetrated for earrings. We were afraid but it wasnít as bad as we imagined before.
And I think that were the most important things I did in my holidays. Despite the fact that I had to get up early in Oxford, I liked sleeping long at home.
Now school has already started and itís going to be my last year at this school so I want to have fun and try to get good marks.
(War Hausaufgabe in Englisch)


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